


A Bouquet of Spoons

by KiaMianara



Series: A Thief's Calling [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Greasers, Bilbo the Librarian, Dorks in Love, Fluff, M/M, Nori is a Little Shit, Nori the Biker, and smitten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 09:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5122532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaMianara/pseuds/KiaMianara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori was trouble; he hadn’t been prepared for Bilbo. At all.</p>
<p>(Can be read as a stand-alone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bouquet of Spoons

**Author's Note:**

> This is somewhat of a modern AU spin-off on [Chapter 5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1252816/chapters/3251078) of my story “A Thief’s Calling”; the scene in when Nori just stole the spoons back from Lobelia during Bilbo’s coming of age party, and gave them to Bilbo.  
> [chainelements](http://archiveofourown.org/users/chainelements/) wrote the following comment to that: _“For some reason, Nori shoving a handful of spoons at Bilbo remind me of a lover giving his date a bouquet of flowers”._  
>  Incidentally, that was exactly what I had in mind writing the scene but now that someone pointed it out, I suddenly saw the entire thing in a sort of Grease (the musical) setting, and I absolutely had to write it.
> 
> This is supposed to be a cute little something mostly for my own amusement and yours, so I will completely ignore period appropriate slang, behaviour and social norms. It’s just some world building and Nori being an adorable dork.
> 
> About the setting: it’s a small none-descript town. Not everything will be mentioned but the Urs run a dinner, Bard the grocery, and Elrond and his wife the primary school and day-care, where he tutors everyone’s kids. Dori has a tea shop, Glóin runs the bank, Óin the clinic (no surprise there), Thorin is the police chief, Dwalin a detective, and Balin kind of governs the town since the previous major almost ruined the town by speculating taxes or some such. Because I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff, Frerin and Víli (Dís’ husband) are perfectly fine and run the local bar, so little Fíli and Kíli have a dad and two uncles, and Dís is still the only one who can handle the male Durins. Nori is part of the local criminal elements, except, you know, not really a criminal. More one of those “cool” biker guys with ripped jeans, leather jacket, smoking behind the gym, and drinking a bit too much at socially unacceptable hours.  
> Bilbo is the new guy in town. He currently works on fixing up the library to reopen it at some point. It’s not that books aren’t valued, just that before him everyone was busy fixing the previous major’s mess, so no one had quite the time or finances to do it.

* * *

 

The thing was, Nori had a reputation. It was by far not as bad as Dori liked to accuse him of but definitely worse than Ori seemed to believe. The later was admittedly easily archived, as the younger had yet to outgrow the phase where older brothers were heroes by default, and the former usually didn’t start complaining until after treating his scrapes and stuffing him with tea and biscuits. Really, the only one with a more or less accurate view on the ginger biker and what he did was Detective Fundinul … and _maybe_ Chief Oak but Nori wouldn’t bet on that. The worst they had dealt out so far were speeding tickets and a night behind bars to sober up, and even that had been mostly because Dwalin held a grudge like no other.

 

Really, you took a guy’s car for a drive _one_ time ...

 

Alright, so it hadn’t been just that once but to be fair, all Nori had planned to do was let the Detective’s mastiffs, Grasper and Keeper, run around a bit and bribe them into liking him. They were a pair of damn huge beasts, and if he couldn’t avoid getting barrelled over by them, he much rather had them licking his face, disgusting as it was, than biting his arm. That is to say, they had never actually hurt him or anyone else before, and wouldn’t unless Dwalin ordered it, which would also never happen. The man liked to play tough but everyone knew he was a big marshmallow inside, and his dogs were just as bad.

 

Nori would have probably gotten away with that stunt as well, except he hadn’t noticed Chief Oak’s nephews on the backseat until he was half way to the lake already. The boys sure hadn’t complained about the road trip or the ice cream. The dogs had needed a bit more convincing than originally planned because they were as protective of the youngsters as the whole damned Durin clan but one day it would surely pay off. At least that’s what he kept telling himself every time Dis put him on babysitting duty. Apparently surviving three hours with the little terrors and tiring them out without any injuries was all the qualification one needed to be `Fun Uncle Nori´. And since no one was brave enough to argue with Dis, Chief Oak and Detective Fundinul made their dislike known by locking Nori up. However, he was pretty sure that never actually went into any record, and he usually got a free breakfast out of it as well, so whatever.

 

The point was: Nori was trouble, soft spot for children notwithstanding. He did odd jobs no one knew any details about, knew his way around any kind of engine and flirted with everything coming his way. No one else (not counting Dwalin Fundinul but the guy was huge, and tattooed, and had a badge, and absolutely didn’t count because only the locals knew he was all bark and no bite) could park their vehicle behind Bombur’s Dinner, and still find there as they had left it a day later. That his favourite table at said dinner was always free was also not just because he happened to be best friends with the waiter and co-owner.

 

Nori was trouble, he had a reputation, and he had gotten around. None of that had prepared him for amber curls like a field of summer wheat on a cloudy day, framing cornflower eyes and a button nose actually deserving the name.

 

The first time Nori saw him, the other was driving by the dinner on his green bicycle, a basket up front decorated with colourful ribbons, and filled with groceries. There was nothing fancy, nothing truly eye catching about the view, and yet Nori ended up frozen in his seat with half his burger on his new denim.

 

He put the entire thing down as karma getting him back for relentlessly teasing Bofur about his age-old crush on the chief, and resolved to forget it again, only to start seeing the green bike and its owner everywhere around town. It turned out the man, Bilbo Baggins, had moved into the little cottage at the edge of town while Nori had been “away on business”. He already had half the town in his corner by announcing to take over the neglected library, and the other half was indifferent to him but slowly warming up. He was short, comfortable, and a bit eccentric with his bright waistcoats and suspenders, a fascinating combination of politeness and sass, and Nori was in _so much trouble_ and not for the usual reasons for once.

 

That was not a state of being Nori was fond of, so he tried to get rid of it, primary by avoiding the man and finding someone to scratch an itch or two, yet nothing he tried actually helped. In fact, it even got worse from there, and it was only a matter of time until they actually met face to face.

 

Of course, Nori ended up completely embarrassing himself in the process. Not on purpose, naturally but he still knocked over a shelf at the groceries. By running into it. Because he had been staring at Bilbo.

 

Not his best moment, though at least it had been the shelf with tinned preserves, and the mess was minimal.

 

And Bilbo had seen it, was seeing it still, and staring, and laughing, and Nori very much wanted to run as far as he could but this was a small town, and no one pissed off the only shop keeper with decent beer around. No, he had to stay, and clean up, listen to Bilbo chuckle, and pray the ground would swallow him whole. Right now would be convenient.

 

He hadn’t expected the help or the other chatting at him.

 

“Well, that is quite the unconventional way but I suppose it saves me from asking for a ladder, so thank you.”

 

Later Nori couldn’t quite say how it happened but he went from picking tins off the floor, to carrying Bilbo’s basket after the shorter man to his bicycle. Then Bilbo drove away, and it was entirely possible that Nori hadn’t stopped staring until the other was well out of sight; Bofur, in any case, hadn’t stopped laughing.

 

“Man, you are so whipped!”

 

“Shut up, and go drool over the chief.”

 

“Ahah. You are no longer in a position to tease me about helpless crushes. No mister. We are equals now, you and I, and I will get as many laughs out of it as I can.”

 

Oh, great. Three weeks, and one extremely one-sided conversation, and Nori was considered to be on the same level as the love-sick fool of a waiter who had the most pitiful crush on their chief since _forever_. That just wouldn’t do at all.

 

“At least we are at the `talking with each other´ stage already, while you are still mooning from the distance.”

 

“Point the first: you didn’t talk, much less with each other. Bilbo rambled, and you followed him around like a lost puppy. Second: I talk with Thorin plenty.”

 

“Standing by his table, biting your cheeks until he orders the same damn thing he _always_ has, and that Bombur starts preparing the moment Thorin pulls up, is _not_ talking with each other either” Nori interrupted annoyed, wondering why he was arguing instead of just leaving.

 

Probably had something to do with Bofur being his best friend for longer than the other’s helpless infuriation already lasted. Also, Bofur had a point. Nori hadn’t said a single word during the entire encounter, while Bilbo had talked, and talked, and talked about family, hobbies, and everything that came to mind.

 

“Last but not least: Just accept that we’re both in over our heads, and come grab a drink with me. Misery loves company, right?”

 

“Wrong, because I will ask Bilbo out.”

 

“Yeah, good joke.”

 

“I’m serious. I will ask him out, and then the joke will be on you. Again.”

 

“I believe that when I see it.”

 

And that was how Nori ended up in front of a green door in his best denim, a clean shirt, and a bouquet clutched between his hands.

 

And dying of nerves.

 

Seriously, what had he been _thinking_?! They had met once, never properly talked, and yet here he stood, intending to ask the man out with a fucking bouquet, and horrible pick-up-lines he had practised for three days in front of a mirror.

 

Practised! Mâhal have mercy, he had _practised_ and had a bouquet that didn’t even consist of flowers. Originally he had prepared for that as well, going as far as researching the meaning of different flowers but Bilbo had said something about his spoons having vanished when he moved, so Nori had abandoned the flowers, and thought himself so very clever wrapping a bow around a handful of cutlery, not considering that of course Bilbo must have already replaced his own spoons, and how very ridiculous a grown man with a hand full of spoons looked.

 

It was stupid. _He_ was stupid, so Nori did the only thing he could to salvage some of his dignity when the door opened: he pushed the spoons into Bilbo’s hands, stuttered his way through his speech, and hightailed out of there, back home, past his brothers, and into his room without waiting for an answer.

 

“No~ri? Bofur called. He said I should tell you he found your dignity in the cellar. And he was laughing. A lot. You’re going to use bad words on him, aren’t you? Dori says when the swear jar is full, he and I will do something nice, and you aren’t invited but I know he is lying. Of course, you can come, too. Does that mean Dori has to put something into the swear jar as well? Lying is like swearing, right? I will ask him.”

 

Sometimes Nori wondered about little Ori’s attention span but today he was rather glad to hear the lad leave him to wallow in misery. How had Bofur even heard about his epic failing so fast anyway, and how was he supposed to ever show his face in public again?

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

In his kitchen, Bilbo turned the bundle of spoons in his hands and the words over in his head. He knew perfectly well what had just happened but ... what had just happened?

 

He certainly had been asked out on a date by that handsome young man from the grocery store, though the other hadn’t given him the chance to answer. He was also certain the other was the local trouble maker, Nori Ri but what was Bilbo supposed to do with spoons?

 

It was a nice gesture, he supposed. He had mentioned he had lost his spoons, hadn’t he? But why the ribbon? It was pretty enough, he supposed, and green ranked fairly high among his favourite colours, so there was that. And the way Nori had held it made it almost look like ...

 

Oh. Oh, that was just too cute. That stuttering, blushing mess of a man had actually listened to his rambling and given him an actual bouquet of spoons.

 

Good gracious, how very _adorable_. And he was _shy_.

 

Putting the spoons into a vase in a place of honour on his windowsill (and woe betide those trying to ridicule the arrangement), he packed the apple crumble he had backed this morning, juice and a blanket. Bilbo was a Baggins and a Took, and he would not be cheated out of a date with that adorably blushing man because _someone_ had to discover they were shy at the _worst_ possible moment. No sir. He would take that darling man for a picnic, and they would have a great time, and he would _not_ be swayed from that.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Groaning Dwalin let his head hit the surface of his desk. He didn’t feel better for it but he would insist it was a justified reaction.

 

“Thorin, I love you like a brother but for fuck’s sake, just ask Bofur out already!”

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't _not_ include the last sentence XD  
>     
> Dori is instantly hooked on the polite little thing that is Bilbo, Ori loves everyone who gives him sweets and makes one of his brothers smile, and Nori will need three more dates to stop blushing every time he sees Bilbo, and will never be able to look at spoons the same way again.  
> It’s also Bilbo, who discovers Dwalin and Nori basically suffer the same plight in form of a best friend with a crush on someone they believe out of their league and makes them join forces to finally free the whole town from the epic pinning. Some will claim the sappy romance that replaces the pinning is worse but it’s really only in jest. Nori’s jail time at least drastically decreases from then on.
> 
>  
> 
> This particular spin-off won't be continued. I really just wanted to do the scene about Nori giving Bilbo a bouquet of spoons XD


End file.
